The Things You Needed To Have
by Mimi Fullbuster
Summary: He left, without saying a word. -She wonders why? He fell, deep. -She realized. - She found him... but could she save him?
1. Chapter 1

**-Sooo... This is my first Fanfiction, so don't judge please ^u^ Uhm, I really don't know what to write... I guess, I hope you all like it and I'd be glad, if you gave me a review please?CX- **

**Man it's been a long day**

**Stuck thinking about it on the freeway**

**Chapter 1:**

_It's been two weeks since he left. We've been looking for him, so desperately, but he's nowhere to be found, it seems. Not even Natsu with his sensitive sense of smell was able to find him. But I'm sure he's fine for he is not weak. He'll come back. He'll be okay, right?..._

_Okay I'm getting really worried, it's been four weeks now since I last saw him. Where could he be? And why did he leave all of a sudden? _

**Wondering if I really tried everything I could**

**Not knowing if I should try a little harder**

And with that I decided to do something on my own. So I grabbed my bag with my keys and headed out. I actually didn't know where I was going, due to the fact that I wasn't in the best of moods that day. Well, actually the past few week. I was so fustraded and desperate.

_Shit, it's getting dark already._

Picking up my pace a little, I rushed towards the part of Fiore that wasn't so inhabited. There were lots of empty houses and dark alleys. The whole atmosphere made me feel a bit uncomfortable, but I could have cared less. Suddenly I spotted a light in one of the left houses and decided to walk in. Of course I knew that it wasn't the best decision, but again I could have cared less. I wanted to try my best to find him, after all. I have to admit I was slightly surprised, when I actually found someone in that house. The person was sitting by an old rotten table, with a candle on it, and it looked like they were holding a bottle in their right hand. Their back was turuned on me and I could clearly see how broad it was.

_Obviously a man._

He had dark raven hair and his clothes looked used and dirty. Though I started to regret my decisions, I slowly approached the stranger.

_Don't be scared, don't be scared, don't be scared. It isn't that bad... right?_

Taking a deep breath, I decided to inform the mysterious figure of my presence.

„Excuse me..?"

_No reaction._

„Uhm, anyway, have you seen a darf haired man, about 17 years old and a bit taller than me?"

I cleared my throat nervously and awaited the man's answer. And finally he at least moved, tunring his head to the side, he gave me a brief glance over his broad shoulder.

_Wait, is that..._

„Gray?" I asked, my eyes widening in shock. „What on eartg hap-" But before I could end the sentence he cut me off.

**Oh but I'm scared to death**

**That there may not be another one like this**

„What do you want?"

The sound of his voice surprised me. I knew he had a very deep voice, but since when was it so raspy?

„We were looking for you.. And I wanted to-" But again I got cut off.

„Leave. Go back to the Guild."

I was at loss of words. What went wrong?

„But I came here-" Again, he cut me off.

„I said GO!" He raised his voice, which made him sound angrier that before. He stood up, turned around to face me and pointed his finger at the rotten door.

**And I confess**

**That I'm only holding on by a thin, thin thread**

I just stood there, dead in my tracks, frozen still, as my eyes were glued to his dark, furious orbs. They were red and swollen. To be honest it looked like they had lost something and that made them look exhausted and tired. My eyes wandered around his face and just then I realized how messed up he looked. His cheeks were puffy and wet.

Was he... _crying?_

**I'm kicking the curb 'cause you never heard **

**The words that you needed so bad**

His hair was a complete mess and his clothes were ripped and dirty. Not to mention his breath, I was certain he must have consumed a whole lot of alcohol, which explained the bottle he was still holding. I had never seen him like this before and it hurt. The look in his eyes. The smell of his boozed breath. He just looked miserable and that hurt,

„What h-happened..?" I dared to ask in disbelief.

„Mind your own business. And now leave, go back to your friends. I bet **your** beloved Natsu is worrying about you already!" He hissed and I could clearly hear the jealousy in his sharp voice.

_Wait, what? **My **beloved Natsu?_

„Gray, what is wrong?" I stared blankly up at him, concern and worry tracing my own voice.

„FOR FUCK'S SAKE! ARE YOU DEA-" Hah, this time I was the one who cut him off. But not by words for they didn't seem to get me anywhere. And so I just wrapped my arms around his torso and hugged him. I've never been this confused before. What was going on? I felt like he was falling, in a deep black whole that consumed all his light, His happiness. His will to live..? And I just stood there, too oblivious and naive to even realize how much he suffured.

Silence filled the room. The only thing that could be heard was the loud noise of the bottle hitting the ground and breaking into a thousand little sharp pieces. I felt tears landing on my shoulder and tightened my grip around him. And eventually he also wrapped his arms around me and I could hear his soft cries right next to my ear...

**And I'm kicking the dirt 'cause I never gave you**

**The things that you needed to have**

**I'm sad, sad.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Man it's been a long night**

**Just sitting here, trying not to look back**

**Chapter 2:**

I felt tears gather in my eyes, as I widened them in shock.

„_I fell for you Lucy."_

His words echoed through my head a million times and it tore my insides apart. My arms fell to my sides, while his were still tightly wrapped around me.

„_I can't stand seeing you with that pink haired flame brain. It hurts too bad."_

I felt the tears stream down my face, whilst I let his words sink in a little further.

„_But you look so happy around him. After all, I only want you to be happy, you know?"_

I felt his grip tighten around me and I could here his voice crack. I was, no, **am** the one you put him through this? Who caused him such terrible pain, that even he, Gray Fullbuster, couldn't stand? I was at loss of words. Again. What should I do?

„I'm sorry Gray.. I'm so terribly sorry-" I paused, as he pushed himself away from me. He looked so hurt. So defenseless.

**Still looking at the road we never drove on**

**And wondering if the one I chose was the right one**

„Oh, no need to continue.. I know what is about to come.." I heard him mumble, his voice full of pain and misery and his eyes dull, yet so full of emotions.

Not bearing to look at him, I stared down at my hands. Seeing him like this and knowing he's in this vulnerable condition just because of **me**,broke my heart. How can I help him out of this black whole? I couldn't return his feelings, even though I wished I could have. I couldn't just leave him like this either. After all, I'm not heartless. Suddenly, all the memories of Natsu and me popped up in my head. I remembered the day Natsu and I got together.. Gray was nowhere to be found that day. Whenever Natsu pulled me in his embrace and placed soft kisses on my skin, Gray looked so annoyed. I thought it was just some kind of joke.. How could I be so oblivious and dense? How did I not notice?

„I'll help you, Gray.. Just come back home, please.." My voice was barely above a whisper and that was a bit unnerving, but I guess I just didnt't have the guts to raise my voice a little.

„I can't, Lucy. And you know why."

_Wow that sounded harsh. But I suppose he's got a point there._

I gathered all my strength to eventually lift my gaze, as my eyes met his. Just then I realized how his expression had hardened. He looked somewhat... emotionless and perhaps even a little angry. But he had the right to be mad at me for I broke his heart. Slowly torturing him more each day.

**Oh, but I'm scared to death**

**That there may not be another one like this **

„I know, but I can't just leave you like this, can I? Also everyone in the guild is worried about you. We're your nakama, Gray. Don't you remember what you learned, when you were about to sacrifice yourself to save us from Deliora? It's not about giving your life away for the sake of your friends, it's about continuing to live for them." I tried to raise my voice a little and I felt my lips curl into a small sincere smile.

And I was glad when I saw his expression soften. I guess, I reached him with what I said. At least I hoped so. Though his eyes still looked sad. But not in a pained way, more in a touched way. Yes, I think my words really reached him.

„Alright... But only for **you**." He mumbled quietly, lowering his gaze

I felt my smile grow and took his hand.

„But no more alcohol, okay?" I said, dragging him out of the old, rotten house. Now, that I think about it, that house somehow represented Gray. It was so fragile and broken, yet big and impressive. Left behind to slowly rot and eventually die. But there remained a small candle, lighting it up. A small glint of hope in the dark.

„Fine.." I heard him murmur lowly, as we left the house and headed back toward the guild.

**And I confess**

**That I'm holding on by a thin, thin thread**

As we reached the huge guild hall and finally entered, we were first greeted by countless blank stares and big disbelieving eyes.

„Are you just gonna keep on staring or..?"

And soon the first few people, who were of course Mira, Levy, Happy and Juvia, came to greet us with a reeaally tight hug. I guess Juvia mainly hugged Gray, because of rather obvious reasons. But soon the others joined in. It felt made me feel so loved. And I guess I wasn't the only one. Finally I saw Gray smile again. Oh, how much I missed that gorgeous smile of his, even though it was just a brief smirk. Everything seemed so perfect, but one thing was missing..

_Where is Natsu?_

But for the moment I could have cared less. Perhaps I was even a little glad, that he wasn't there since that would have only pulled Gray's mood down.

And so I focused back on what was happening around me. Apparently they now started a party, which was just what I expected. I mean, this is Fairy Tail, duh. And so the party went on and I have to admit, I really enjoyed it, due to the fact that Gray seemed to be himself again. I felt like I got **my **Gray back. The one I used to call my best friend. Though I knew it was only temporary. After all Natsu and I were still together. And I knew for sure, Gray was bound to get hurt again. But this was better than nothing at all, right?

**I'm kicking the curb, 'cause you never heared**

**The words that you needed so bad**

- After the party -

I put the key into the keyhole and turned it to the side, opening the door to my apartment and entering it. It was all dark, well, just as expected. I turned the light on just to see Natsu laying in my bed, snoring like an old man. A small giggle escaped my lips at the sight. He looked so peaceful und cute when he was asleep. So I decided to join him, just like every other night too. I changed into my pyjamas and snuggled up to the sleeping Natsu, trying not to wake him. I kissed his cheek and whispered a soft „goodnight", before letting the darkness take over and drifting off to sleep.

**And I'm kicking the dirt, 'cause I never gave you**

**The things that you needed to have**

Oh, little did I know back then. But well, I guess I can't blame myself for being so blind, can I?

**I'm so sad, sad**

**I'm so sad, so sad**


	3. Chapter 3

**Oh, but I'm scared to death**

**That there may not be another one like this**

**Chapter 3:**

The following few weeks were so much fun. Everything was just like before, with one exception though. I tried to make Gray feel better and spent some more time with him. And eventually, he opened up, slowly letting me in. And I have to admit he was just so adorable, when he actually showed his real self. Apparently he wasn't always the cool guy, who had no weaknesses and feared nothing.

„_No... I'm not ticklish..." He murmured, his gaze lowered and a light pink blush on his cheeks. He just looked so adorable._

„_You're lyiiiing~" I sang, as my hands slowly moved to his torso. _

„_No, I'm not!.." He shot back, trying to sound confident, which he failed terribly at._

_Just then my hands landed on his torso and started to tickle his sides. Feeling his toned muscles I might have blushed a little as well..._

„_No, staaahp, Luucyy!" He bit down on his lip, trying to hold his laughter back, as he moved back in an attempt to escape my tickling. But I just moved with him and went on._

„_I got you!" I exclaimed, a light giggle leaving my lips. Finally I caught him off guard!_

„_Lucy! I'm gonna-!" But before he could end his sentence, he burst out laughing and arched his upper body._

_I giggled a little more at the sight and my hands moved a little higher, which made him laugh even harder._

„_L-Lucy! Stop! I-I can't b-breathe!" _

_I stuck my tongue out at him and slowly pulled my hands away from his body. _

„_God dammit, thanks! You tryin' to kill me or what?" He asked as he had eventually calmed down a little. _

„_I just wanted to see you laugh again. I barely see you like this!" I stated, a cheeky smile forming on my lips._

„_Oh, you're so gonna pay for that!" He snorted angrily and crossed his arms over his chest..._

And soon I realized that my feelings for him grew. With each day they grew and that was bad. I loved Natsu and he was my boyfriend, after all. I couldn't just hurt him as well. And so I tried to suppress my feelings, admitting them would have just made everything worse. At least that's what I was thinking back then. Now I think otherwise, but that doesn't matter anyway for it is too late now.

**And I confess**

**That I'm only holding on by a thin, thin thread**

Life went on and with each day he began to heal. Well, psychologically at least, I supposed. No, I _hoped_... He smiled and laughed way more often, but still. That look in his eyes was still there. As if he had lost all hope and light. As if he was not willing to live. Now that I think about it, he probably wasn't even as happy as I supposed. He probably just acted all happy to make me feel better and less guilty. Oh, how I hate myself for being so blind. For thinking that all I had to do was wait. Wait for his recovery. That would have been too easy though...

„_Don't go!" I whined, as I clinged to his torso._

„_Lucy, I got somethin' to do. Lemme go." He said lowly, trying to escape my grip vainly._

„_Oh, come ooon! I don't want you to leave!" I pouted and looked up at him, using my big brown puppy eyes to convince him._

„_Lucy..." He murmured as he grabbed my arms and pushed me back gently._

„_Why can't you just stay here with me?" I asked, now a bit more serious and maybe a little worried, since he didn't seem to be in the mood to tolerate my somewhat childish behaviour._

„_I can't suppress my feelings any longer... The urge is getting too strong.." I heard him mumble, as he looked down, seemingly ashamed of his own feelings._

„_W-What?" His answer confused me a little. What 'urge' was he talking about? „What are you-"_

„_I'm not that strong, Luce. You know, the girl I adore the most is standing right in front of me, begging me to stay and at the same time expecting me to suppress my feelings. I'm not strong enough to do that, even if it's for **you**." He stated and again, I could clearly see the honesty and pain glinting in his sharp dark eyes._

_I couldn't bear to look at him, so I lowered my gaze to the floor. „Then go ahead, do what you want to do with me. I can take it, if it is for your sake." -Oh crap, did I really just say that?-_

„_No, even though it's hard not to take the offer, I can't. That would only make everything worse."_

_The awkward silence began to fill the room and I felt its heavy weight on my shoulders. _

„_..I'm sorry... I'm sorry I can't give you the things you need to have..." I whispered, wrapping my arms around his neck, pulling him into a tight hug..._

**I'm kicking the curb 'cause you never heard**

**The words that you needed so bad**

_The day everything changed..._

I opened the huge door to the Guild hall and entered, just to get welcomed by tons of saddened faces and a very downcast Natsu, who was staring down at a sheet of paper. I walked up to the pink haired flame brain and poked his shoulder.

„Natsu...?"

His eyes were still glued to the sheet of paper as he handed it to me. I took it and unfolded it.

_Wait, I know that handwriting.._

„Gray, he..." My dejected boyfriend stated weakly, as I began to read.

_Hey Luce..._

_So, how do I start?..._

_Well, I suppose you remember the night I told you why I left the Guild for a few weeks, right?_

_I actually didn't tell you the whole story..._

_A few months ago I went to the doctor for a basic check and when the doc checked on my heart beat he told me that the rythm sounded wrong. So he did some more tests and the results said I had chronic heart failure, which means that my heart could randomly stop beating in any second..._

_I didn't tell anyone about it, because I didn't want them to freak out and tell everybody else about it. And so I learned to live with the fear of dying in any moment. I have to admit I actually somewhat befriended with the thought. It was already hard to live with you and that flame brain of a Dragon Slayer. Someday I decided that it'd be better to just disappear, since no one would miss me anyway, at least that was what I thought back then._

_I grabbed a few things, including lots of alcoholic drinks and god knows what else, and ended up at that old rotten house, where you found me. I don't really know how long I have actually been there, but to me it felt like an eternity. All I did was drink, cry and blame myself for everything bad that had ever happened in my life. Until you came and saved me from my corrupted self. You taught me to open my eyes and appreciate every little thing in life. And I thank you for that. You gave me so much and I can't give you anything in return. Even when I pushed you away, yelled at you for nothing, you didn't give up on me. After all, you gave me hope. _

_I suppose my life has already ended as you read this, since I asked Natsu to give you this in case I'd die before I could tell you myself..._

_I hope you'll get your happy ending, because you really deserve one._

_In Love_

_Gray._

**And I'm kicking the dirt 'cause I never gave you**

**The things you needed to have**

I felt tears stream down my face to eventually land on the sheet of paper in my hands. I couldn't focuse on a single thing, there where to many thoughts bombarding my mind. But with one thought, all the others vanished.

_He's dead. _

I lowered my arms and stared at the ground.

_I lost him._

I fell down to my knees, my eyes still glued to the floor as if it was the most interesting thing to look at.

_He's gone. **Forever**._

I felt a strong pair of arms wrap around me and pull me into a warm hug. I really wanted to return it, but I just couldn't. My arms just fell limp.

„I'm so sorry Lucy..." I heard Natsu whisper softly, as his grip tightened around me.

After a few more moments I finally got the strength to lift my arms and wrap them around the pink haired boy's lower back. I buried my face in his shirt and shut my eyes, letting reality hit me.

**And I'm kicking the curb 'cause you never heard**

**The words that you needed so bad**

And now I'm standing here, at his grave, surrounded by people who used to be so close to me, yet seem so strange. And I wonder what would have happened, if I had admitted my feelings for him. Well, he would have died anyway, right?...

**I'm so sad**

**So sad.**


End file.
